Alice: Out of Wonderland and at U.T.

 

Jessie Kuhn

April 27, 2004

Word Count: 2,151

Project 2B

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day had finally come, the end of high school and an entirely new beginning. Alice sat anxiously in her hard, plastic chair awaiting the speaker to announce her name. She daydreamed, thinking about the new chapter in her life about to begin and paying no attention to her class mates’ reception of their diplomas.[1] She broke from her deep thought when the words “Alice Liddell” resounded through the auditorium. She stood up from her uncomfortable, plastic accommodation and ran her hands down her silky robe to straighten the creases that had fashioned themselves there. Steadily ascending the stairs to the stage, the background noise of the crowd became silent and she could hear only her loud, clomping steps across the wooden floor. She took the leather-bound diploma from the hand of her principal, shook his hand, and then began her path across the stage to descend the steps on the other edge. But before she could reach the stairway, she heard a creaking noise beneath her and the floor of the wooden stage gave way. Alice tumbled through the hole that had formed there, and began to fall somewhat rapidly down a long, dark tunnel. Her black robe flailing around her, she looked beneath her feet to see no end in sight! After a few moments, her plummeting fall came to a halt as she fell somewhat softly yet uncomfortably onto the side of a grassy and sunny hill.

She glanced around, noticing a weatherworn white sign with “Berkshire Hill” painted across it in large, green letters.[2] Atop the hill was a little cottage[3], and running alongside the hill was a river. “How quaint,” she thought to herself, “that this cute, little house is on the riverside.[4] Alice climbed the grassy knoll up to the entrance of the cottage. She rang the doorbell in hopes to find someone who could explain what had just happened to her and where exactly she was. Moments later, a girl answered the door. Oddly, the girl was shaped like a pair of scissors, with triangular shaped legs and tiny, pointed feet.[5] Alice said to her, “Hi, my name is Alice and I’ve just had the most incredible thing happen to me. I was wondering if you might tell me where I am.” The girl politely invited her inside, where two dogs ran up to greet her.[6] Alice squealed with joy and told the girl how cute she thought they were. She kneeled down to pet them and asked the girl their names, and surprisingly the dogs began to speak! Alice thought it very unusual for dogs to speak! They introduced themselves by singing a song.

Tweedledee sang:

“I am Tweedledee you see!

Nothing’s greater than being me!

I’m so smart and so carefree.

What more could I want to be?!”[7]

Tweedledum sang:

“Sometimes I like to chew up shoes.

I like to eat them because they come in twos.

Dog food? High heels? Don’t make me choose!

I like to fight but I always lose.”[8]

 

 

 

 

While the dogs continued singing, making a large amount of racket, Alice began to recount the story of her fall to the scissor girl. The scissor girl, who soon announced that her name was Hill-ary because she lived atop a hill, told her that she could not explain her fall, but that she should venture down to the bottom of the hill and to the other side of the river and speak with someone there. Hill-ary then began to sing:

“I like to cut hair

Because there’s nothing more fair.

I can dye, cut, and curl

So just give me a whirl.”

Alice wondered why everyone in this strange world sang so much, but she thanked Hill-ary for her help. Alice did not need a haircut. Then she descended the hill and reached the water’s edge.

Deliberating on how she was going to get to the other side of the river, Alice began to walk alongside it hoping to find some kind of crossing. After walking only a short while, she came upon a small bridge with an orange bus parked on her side of the river. Alice wondered to herself why the bus was parked there and why no one was in it, but before she could step foot onto the bridge to cross it, she heard a loud, booming voice say “You cannot cross the bridge by anyway but by taking me!” “Taking whom?” Alice asked. To her surprise it was the bus who had spoken! “The place where this bridge takes you allows you to arrive only by way of me! If you walk there, or drive yourself there, or even fly by bird there you will find yourself in some predicament!”[9] Alice decided to take his word for it, and climbed aboard the bus and it drove her across the bridge just to the other side. Alice thought it silly since she easily could have gotten across the bridge herself. She thanked the bus and began to walk again.

In the distance, she could see a tall structure[10] and began to walk towards it. Surely, there was someone there who could tell her what was going on. Before she got very far, she ran into a woman clutching a laptop and a cup of coffee, nervously repeating over and over “I’m going to be late! I’m going to be late! I must hurry!” Alice hurried after her and asked the woman if she could help, but the woman only briefly glanced at her and said “I am the Duch-jess and I’m in a hurry! I can’t talk to you now! I must hurry!” and she disappeared ahead. Alice wondered why the woman was in such a rush and where she was going. Alice looked to her left and noticed a very bright and colorful home with a little note taped to the door. “That must be the Duch-jess’s house,” Alice thought. “I wonder where the Duke is.” She walked up to the entrance and read aloud the note. “Gone to the spider’s house. Be back later.” Alice wondered what business a duchess would have with a spider, decided to come back to the colorful house later to see if the Duch-jess had come home, and then continued along her path towards the tall building.[11]

Alice was very troubled but at the same time very excited. She passed a girl who looked like a toothbrush sitting in a chair telling a story to several little teeth who were sitting in a circle around her.[12] Alice sat down next to one of the teeth and listened as the toothbrush girl advised them how to keep themselves clean. The toothbrush girl welcomed her and seemed very nice. She had written a short song to get the attention of the small teeth because they were talking amongst themselves and seemed very disinterested in what she had to say:

“There’s nothing more important

Than clean teeth that shine so bright!

You might think it’s hard to do

But it’s the only thing that’s right!

Just get your brush and toothpaste

And scrub and scrub and scrub.

Mind yourself; you have no feet!

Don’t fall into the tub!

Then use that floss as best you can.

Do not miss a spot!

Most people have a full mouth of teeth,

But you are all you’ve got!”

Alice sang along for a little while but quickly became tired of this and got up from her spot on the grass and continued walking.

The closer she got to that tall building, the more and more cows she began to see. These cows were the same shade of orange as the bus that had carried her across the bridge. They roamed freely around and they had horns protruding from both sides of their heads. She saw many people and many creatures, and they all seemed very at ease as they walked amongst those large cows. Alice was very frightened of them herself, and even considered turning back and heading back to Berkshire Hill or even back to the Duch-jess’s house to see if she had returned. Perhaps the Toothbrush Girl was finished talking with those teeth and she had a moment to help her. But Alice kept her eyes on that tall building, assuring herself that someone was inside of it who could help her find her way home. She maneuvered her way nervously in and out of the orange cows.

She then saw a cute little house with twinkling, brightly colored Christmas lights strewn through the branches of the trees that surrounded it.[13] Tables and chairs were set up outside with spiders sitting in them. The spiders were very preoccupied with either reading or typing, and they each had a cup of coffee in their hand. Alice assumed that this place must be the spider’s house that the Duch-jess had been in such a hurry to get to. Alice decided to leave the spiders alone. They were very busy after all, and they were also very scary looking.

The next thing she saw was a long table with numerous creatures sitting at it having tea. The table was so long that she couldn’t see the end of it. Alice was sure it was as long as at least ten city blocks! Maybe more! There was so much conversation and so much hustle and bustle.[14] She stopped and took a seat at the table. She was quite tired from all that walking and she thought maybe they would offer her some tea. The creature sitting to her right was tall and fat, like a burrito, and his name was Chip.[15] To her right was a girl with her arm on her hip, and she looked like a coffee mug. Alice learned that her first name was May and her last name was Tro.[16] Some of the other creatures around her were turtles with neckties on. Alice asked the one nearest her why they were all dressed up, and to this he replied that they were mock turtles on their way to a mock trial. “Turtle lawyers?!” Alice thought.[17] Things were getting stranger and stranger.

She asked another turtle how she might find that tall building, and to this he replied:

“Follow us over that hill with the grass

Where there will be a library[18] to pass.

Walk a little further past the house made of glass[19]

Cross the street where cars drive really fast.”

So Alice followed the mock turtles with their neckties once they had rolled out of their chairs at the long table. She was still thirsty, no one having offered her any tea. Moments later they were at the pond, and the turtles jumped in and swam to their seats and the trial began.[20] Alice looked above her, and there was the building. She thanked the turtles politely, and stepped through the front door.

She didn’t immediately find anyone who could help her there, so she began to ascend the staircase. The stairs wound around in a circle for ever and ever... Alice took several breaks from climbing to catch her breath. After what seemed like an eternity, she reached the top of the stairs. There was a door there so she opened it, anxious to find some knowledgeable person to talk with. It seemed no one else in this strange place would help her! The door creaked open just a little and Alice peeked out. She still didn’t see anyone there, but there was a desk with a telephone on it. Alice stepped out from behind the door and decided to call home for help, discouraged that she had finally made it there and no one could help her.

She took a seat at the desk and began to dial a number, but the phone would not work. Giving up, Alice went back to the door she had come in through and stepped out to descend the long flight of stairs. But as she stepped through the door, her foot did not meet the ground, and instead she began to fall down a narrow, dark tunnel. She fell forever, longer even than it had taken her to walk up those stairs, when finally she landed in a chair surrounded by a large crowd of people applauding. Alice looked around her and realized that she was back at the auditorium with her graduating high school class. She had no clue where she had been or who all those creatures were that she had met, but she was glad to be back to the real world where everything was normal and right. All she could think to herself was that she would never end up in a crazy place like that! Then she went home and began packing her bags to head off to the University of Texas.